the fear in handling ill patient is no longer strong.
it does exist,
and i'm still trying to overcome it.
:)
well, had a good talk with boy last night.
all along i knew what's happening.
or maybe i understand how he felt more than he does.
he discovered later.
it was really not easy to be in the role.
and in life,
nothing is easy,
yet nothing is impossible.
it all depends on how you see it.
adviced him with the knowledge that i've learnt
from the books i've read.
and i see myself explaining it to others.
yet right deep in me,
i know it's always easy being spoken.
but never easy doing it in action.
yet nothing is impoosible again.
don't worry boy.
it's not time to stress.
life is short and tough.
enjoy when it's time to.
work forward when you need to.
main thing is:
do your best and never regret in future.
:)
loves you.
xoxoxoxoxo
• empty•
27 July 2010
i thought i could bring an empty mind over.
but i was all wrong.
went to NICU yesterday.
and i didn't expect myself to help out in anything.
but i was wrong again.
before i start my noon shift today back in NICU,
i did my homework.
i came out with a list of objectives of
what i want to learn from them.
indeed i have seen a lot yesterday.
and i felt guilty for not knowing what to learn.
though i was fearful.
fearful towards fast pacing environment.
but now,
i've overcome it.
and yet i really came out with my list.
though it would be nice if i could be posted to
medical ICU or surgical.
because i know it would be more interesting there.
neuro- well, it's all about brains.
which wasn't my forte.
and most of my patient are surgical cases
back in the ward.
but it's ok.
chances are given to me.
and it's time to enjoy.
have been thinking about the book i read:
'Who Moved My Cheese'
and the sentense that had been in my mind was:
'When you stop being afraid, you feel good!'
:)
now, i am enthusiast!!
• what's love?•
22 July 2010
was spending my day at home yesterday, reading my 7habits book again. there Stephen mentioned about what is love.
Extracted from 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People At one seminar where i was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said,
"Stephen, i like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. look at my marriage. i'm really worried. my wife and i just don't have the feelings for each other we used to have. i guess i just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. what can i do?
"the feeling isn't there anymore?" i asked.
"that's right," he reaffirmed. "and we have three children we're really concerned about. what do you suggest?"
"love her." i replied.
"i told you, the feeling isn't there anymore."
"love her."
"you don't understand. the feeling of love isn't there anymore."
"then love her. if the feeling isn't there, that's a god reason to love her."
"but how do you love when you don't love?"
"my friend, love is a verb. love- the feeling- is a fruit of love, the verb. so love her. serve her. sacrifies. listen to her.empathize. appreciate. affirm her. are you willing to do that?"
"Love is a verb. Reactive People make it a feeling. They are driven by feelings. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.
Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do, the sacrifies you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a new born into the world. if you want to study love, study those who sacrifies for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people suborinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can't be recaptured."
*** ***
indeed something that opens my heart, opens my mind.
those words were affective.
it's another facts to be reflected.
and it's true about how majority faced the thing called "LOVE".
saying is always easy.
time to reflect.
i'm sure you will sensed the difference after applying it.
:)
• it's been a while•
since i make something for him.
it's time to crack my brains...
i've been into crazy mind.
guess my sis have the same thought.
was thinking of doing something real crazy this past days.
such as,
switching my career into farming.
and sis was mentioning to me
that Aussie paid good for farmers.
i mean isn't it good life
facing the nature,
and having a peaceful mind farming.
next was
i have been thinking of my dream of having
a hot air balloon ride,
and eventually i thought of bag-pack travelling.
:)
life is short,
it's worthwhile doing some craziest acts.
:)
• life hasn't been so great•
21 July 2010
except last night. well, i have finally completed my nights. and last night, at HD, no antibiotics at all. for the first time, working in HD where all 3 patient do not have antibiotics. and and, that patient survived through my night.
the way he was deteriorating, i know he wouldn't make it any longer. and i was told that he left 2hours after i end my shift... feelings are to be kept silence. shall not elaborate...
time for 3days off from work. time to enjoy...
• we've come to•
19 July 2010
months.
have been a wonderful past one month.
guess i met him almost everyday.
spending our time to the fullest.
be it during my hospital stay,
be it the activities we planned,
be it birthday celebration.
and not forgetting the movies we watched.
i missed last month,
and hope this month will be even better.
with the Penang trip,
hoping it will be another nice event ahead.
:)
*** *** ***
so last night was my first day back to work.
few changes here and there.
getting myself adapting to the area once again.
was at HD.
and thanks to my in charge,
i was able to go home on time.
:)
but the bad news was,
i'll be posted to work in ICU next week.
it's just a week of exchanging programme.
and well,
i'm posted to Neuro ICU.
was told that all ICA trained staff
need to have this bridging training.
and i personally hate the fact that
it was not an option.
in fact, we are being forced to go,
whether you like it or not.
well, definitely i won't like it.
all i wanted is Gerontology,
not critical care or even med-surg.
it's annoying.
but well,
i just have to face this event
and learnt what i could.
shall bring an open and empty mind o'er.
hmm..
whatever...
• museums•
18 July 2010
night at the museum was nice and fun.
did all sorts of activities.
coloring.
doing origame.
painting.
and endless of snapping...
museums to museums.
oil paintings to sketches.
walking and sweating.
laughter and fulfillments.
:)
• todays event•
16 July 2010
gonna meet yvonne and sharon for this later.
lunch first. movie later.
can't wait to meet up the girls
after 2weeks of not working...
and later tonight.
SAM is FOC from 7pm onwards.
meeting alan and boy for it.
not sure weixiang joining.
anyway i'm sure it's gonna be amazing in there.
night festival~~
i'm coming tonight...
:)
• sharing•
15 July 2010
this was the book i've been mentioning.
well, spent my whole afternoon reading.
though not completed.
but enough for me to self-reflect on the things mentioned in the book.
the most effective sentence i came across today was:
"it is not what happens to us,
but our response to what happens to us that hurt us."
and i realised i have been a reactive person.
who are always affected by environmental factors.
but being a proactive person,
values are driven in the person.
and one doesn't get affected so much by environment.
this is one thing i'm learning right now.
:)
nikon coolpix P100.
another sight of love.
checking out it's function.
-High-speed 10 fps
-Sports Continuous shooting with pre-shooting cache option
-Advanced Night Landscape
-Advanced Night Landscape
*-Macro shooting as close as 0.4”( best feature)
-High ISO up to 3200
-Motion Detection
and many other more spects.
it's making me hard to decide on D5000 or this...
but i'm freaking going to get one of it real soon...
• back to reality•
so this is it. 10days of hospital leave is almost up. counting down to 3days. and it's time to switch the mood again. but counting to less than 14 days, my annual leave is coming. Penang trip this time round. can't wait!! i gonna tour round whole malaysia soon. :)
so lately there were a lot of noise create at home. due to the renovation of my bathroom. dusty. noisy. inaccessible. all i could think of, was leave home while the construction is still on. seriously those noise were freaking me out. having headache all the time. can't stand.
have been reading the book that i've been reading lately. sharing those infos to boy. and yes! he agrees on buying that book too... '7 Habits of highly effective People'. do read this book. a motivative book, indeed.
i can't wait for the re-embursed to come in. it's the whole sum of money in my bank. and now my bank is empty. i can't wait for Mount A to refund. only then will i feel safe... :(
• 劉若英-風和日麗MV•
OMG!! masa damn hilarious in this MV.
can't stop laughing,
especially the ending...
he's damn cute!!!
wahahahahaa...
:D
• needed•
11 July 2010
maybe it's time to think through about my future. it should be time i talk to my manager about it even. it's obvious where i am now, is not a suitable place for me to be in. not suitable for my body.
boy and i discussed it yesterday. it was the problem with those shifts. 2shifts were fine. but when it comes to 3, especially when you talk about nights, i am not suitable at all. always the heatiness that i accumulated during those nights, cause my body to fall sick all the time. and as a result, my immune get weaker, and my MC rate were within the top.
i've re-thought about advance dip. knowing all i could was self sponsored. i'm trying all ways to get in. it's the matter of fate now. and if i don't get in, i'll be left with two choices: one is to change the ward i am in right now. two is to leave SGH and get another nursing job.
all i could is to watch and step in every single steps. taking a degree is never the right choice now. i don't think i can accept anymore stress when i have to study and work fulltime at the same time. i know i won't be able to manage, with such low immunity health of mine.
it is definitely a tough choice to make...
and all i need now is some immunity boost, multi-vitamins and huge supplies of nutrients. that is all i wanted, all i needed...
Congrats to myself.. for finishing my 10th tablets of tamiflu this morning. however Clarinese still needed till my flu are completely gone. just finish one bottle of herbal meds that's suppose to boost my immunity. and i realised i was given one extra bottle upon discharge. the syrup smells horrible. it smells like CCB- if you know what that stands for... anyway Nexium is a need still. my gastric are giving way. Stemitil is on and off for my giddiness. last but not least, my cough syrup. i guess my liver are so tired... so were my kidneys... sigh...
• poor appetite•
10 July 2010
finally i was home. lying on my soft bed is so much better. though the atmosphere of the deluex room in Mount A is really comfortable.
back home, time for dinner. felt no appetite to eat again. somehow i felt like puking the moment i see food. and since the day i was admitted, i have not finish one whole share of whatever it was given to me. even when i'm home. i know i need to eat to get back those nutrients. and i have been forcing food in my mouth rather than enjoying them... things are still not picking up.
i don't seem to fancy the food i used to love. really... every food don't appeal to me... i need help... seriously...
• warded (6/7/10~ 9/7/10)•
09 July 2010
while warded in Mount A.,
Dr Yap said my appetite is not good.
and there i was,
cannula was inserted.
and i was on drip.
this is my antidote. Tamiflu...
my rolex watch...
and did i mention that
mount A is a catholic hospital?
the day of discharge...
the giant sofa in my deluxe room.
the LCD and VCD player stuck on the wall panel
in front of my bed.
toilet!!
my dream glass shower room.
the washing facilities.
AND my bed...
packing up my barang barang,
and ready to leave this deluxe place.
and a little token to all the angels
who has taken good care of me
during my hospital stay..
:)
• knowing•
08 July 2010
i knew how it felt like a patient. i knew how it felt being poked by needle. i knew how it felt being cannulated. i knew how it felt being on drips. i knew how it felt being an isolated patient. i knew how it felt like... now i totally know.
but i felt so lonely. i wished i had someone who is 12hours free everyday. to keep me accompanied during those 12 hours of visiting hours. the nurses are busy outside. i can talk to no one. so lonely. SO LONELY!! the scenery out from my window, seems like orchard. i can see it, but i can't reach there. it bores me that i could tear anytime...
it's really like a jail... what can i do.....
i feel for my patient now...
• warded•
i was lucky i did not leave these symptoms lying in me.
i knew it was not as simple as it seemed.
or rather i don't think it's supposed to be treated lightly...
i've really lost track about time.
so i'll just state whatever that had happened.
i asked my weihao to drive me to Mount Alvernia that noon.
went into A&E for consultation.
there the doctor says i've got gastric reflex
and that's why i experienced the heart burn thingy...
(but the fact was it wasn't a heartburn, it was the chest... -_-"" )
when i ask the Dr if there was a need for admission,
he told me he will admit me for me to rest...
when i was warded,
nasal swab was taken to check for influenza A.
and within hour,
the SN pass me a mask and said,
'your nasal swab for influenza A shows positive. we need to isolate you.'
these were the lines given to my patient,
which i never expect it to be happening on myself.
i stoned for few minutes.
and all that was on my mind was,
how did i got it?
where did i get it from?
i was paranoid.
i believed being a nurse,
an isolation nurse,
would never want to get spreaded by your patient.
and i could clearly remember that during those nights,
i wore mask while attending to my quiry h1n1 patient.
i wonder whether i did the correct precaution and stuff.
i was wheeled up to St Clare room 537.
time checked: 2237hrs.
i couldn't sleep.
started messaging my family, and friends,
updating them about my condition.
i was so scared.
i felt i was all alone.
till then, i understand how it feels to be like an isolated patient.
i understand how it feels like being unable to walk out of the room.
and all you can was press the callbell and trouble those busy nurses out there.
that was also the reason why i did not go SGH.
imagine i ended up warded in my own ward?
and needed my colleagues to help me around?
the second reason why i didn't go SGH was,
my workplace,
has always been a stressful area for me,
and as well as those colleagues.
how can i rest when i'm in a place i knew i found stress in.
and how would i want to add stress to my colleagues?
so yesterday another swab was done.
and this morning Dr Jane Yap told me it was H3N2 i've gotten.
somehow i felt more relieved.
lucky it was not H1N1.
because during my nights,
none of my patient is having H3N2.
and that means i got the virus out in public.
i believe my low immune has got a good explanation towards this admission.
AND so what if i took the influenza jab.
so what if i took the H1N1 jab?
once your immunity is low,
those jabs means nothing.
the chances of being infected is still a possible.
right now,
i am no longer a nurse.
i've switched my roles being in the shoes of a patient.
watching how nurses work,
working how doctors assess.
a good observation for me.
a good reflection for me too...
but there was one thing that has been in my mind.
should i change where i am working now?
i feels that my immunity is not suitable in this environment.
and i have been thinking about it all day...
gosh... what to do?
Dr Yap says i needa stay in for a goodwell ten days.
and well,
i'm afraid getting back to ward ,really.
i'm afraid facing those ADNs whom i knew they definitely will approach me for my admission.
i don't know what will happen.
i really don't know what will happen.
GYM, please help...
• ain't picking up•
06 July 2010
i suspect it is not just upper respiratory tract infection. have been feeling damn terrible the whole night. awaken by my alarm clock at 3am, just to pop the 6hrly antibiotics. by the time i woke up, i felt burning. stretched for my thermometer, put it under my tongue, and it reads: 38.4 degrees. swallow those antibiotics and panadol too. took my temp half an hour later, and it reads: 38.6 degrees.
i've been thinking whether to call boy or should i awake my sis instead. i dunno what else i could do. i felt so miserable. i want to know what's really wrong in me. but i did not awake anyone in the end. went back to sleep and hoping resting could heals everything.
my head had been spinning since the day i fell sick. and i seriously thinks that hospital cheap meds don't work on me. seriously the procodeine is not of any help. popped 8pills of panadol a day isn't helping those fever. penicillin? still on the way fighting with those bacteria in my body i guess.
i cannot believe how much of phlegm i've coughed out. and it's seems like it's never ending of secretion. my lungs hurts everytime i cough. and the intracranial pressure increases everytime i cough, making the giddiness felt worst. i'm sure i'm tachycardiac now. and the worst part was, i cannot check my own BP.
can i get admitted? maybe it's more like the psychological thingy. i don't know... i'm worrying about everything now... money is no longer the issue. i just want my illness get cured.
• grouchy•
05 July 2010
shoooo~~!!
go away the God of Illness.
leave my soul for once.
i'm so tired falling sick
every single month.
i'm so grouchy over my body.
everytime i've recovered from one sickness,
my immunity don't seem to be picking up.
what's really wrong with me.
what's happening to my immune system.
i'm a nurse yet i can't help myself.
i'm so upset i couldn't complete this round of nights.
managed two days of them.
but 2nd day,
i was half surviving.
coughing till my whole chest was having burning sensation.
felt shortness of breath at times.
giddy and feverish.
bodyaches.
seen Dr Yong at staff clinic.
he diagnose me with URTI.
and straight away 2days MC was given.
and he warned me not to do any strenuous exercise for one week.
i am unfit for any exercise for a week?
well... that's it.
bedbound myself then..
popping those antibiotic every 6hrs.
and shall sleep whole day long...
i was warned regarding my MC rate by sister phuah once again.
well, i think someday
i'll be referred to ADN and have a chit chat session,
looking into my MC rate.
goodluck to me.
i don't want to think anymore.
i'm so freaking tired feeling sick all the time...
:(
:(
:(
• hiking(macritchie)•
03 July 2010
as planned. hiking at MacRitchie. started off when it was windy yet warm. ended up getting drenched by the end of the hike. but indeed a nice outing with Boy and Alan. snapped a bucket of photos. view all of them in my FB, cause some are displayed here only.
^hotair balloon ride before age 25
^close 10 deals in first half of 2013
^learn diving
^achieve 10 awards in photography
^honeymoon in Europe
^go for Travel Shooting
^
is approaching.
and did i mention that 
