what kind of fun i had last night..

smacking each other with gossips and comfort each other with our futures.. that kind of talks that only long life friends will go through.. i simply enjoy myself last night. ourselves, actually.

thoughts of our secondary school lifes on how we used to bitch around, how we used to bad- mouthed abt those idiotic teachers who think they were so great abt themselves, and how we gossips abt friends in school, and how we got embarrassed being caught talking too loudly in the middle of lessons, and the outing we had, the moments of going home from school tgt...

meeting with subha and fifi, we always have the routine to do. it's like a MUST to do everytime we hang around. moments of spending money on each other without having a second thought of taking back. money don't matters. time does. moments like the past are hard to get back. that;s why right now, we cherish the time...

they are what i call as [true friends]. the strong relationships that even you know we have changed mentally and physically, yet still the craziness doesn't change...

MY GOD! what da hell la.. was talking on msn with battery, and she told me our OT posting will be at NUH. what the f***! i dun want nuh la.. that's not a proper hosp to learn man.. it's filled with junior doctors.. eeew!!!!

anyway, NUH is simply too far for alice. and bet? worst. she got into CGH.. *dots* can imagine the travelling dist.

well, i wanna opt for SGH. die die sticking to SGH. argh*

I really thought it will be the end. i thought there were no glance of chance to salvage this relationship. I thought we will going to end. I thought I had given up. I thought I was hurt enough. But seems like communication is the remedy.

Peace talk. Vomited all unhappiness felt. Saying the truth of everything. After all, thanks to my battery. Not forgetting my bunch of lamest ppl who cheered me up. You guys are the best!!

Alice, regarding what you’ve told me about the change in me after getting into this relationship, I will work on it. Yes it’s true that I’m VERY easily influenced by others. I agree. I will work on that. I hope we can be as before. The nonsense- crazy- fun life that we used to have in school. How to live without you guys around? Gimme a chance. I’ll work on that. And wherever you guys plan to go, count me in!

Anyway, things are getting better. MUCH MUCH BETTER. Yet I’ve told myself not to get too used to the life now. Cause I know life I used to hate, might be back again. But this time round, I’ll understand. Guess after this incident, I realized I’m not who I thought I were. I’m not the freedom type. I’m not the optimistic type. Yet I am obsessive and someone who can’t stop having spices in life. I wanted not a simple life. Nor wanting it tough. Maybe just something that really suit what I wanted. I guess good buddies around me understand me more than I do. Agree people?

Right now I’m enjoying the fun we are having. So I won’t regret. Talking about that, I’ve just assessed in doing e-learning and I’m going to ECP to cycle with my boy later. Hahas.. the fun is back!

Anna is addicted to redWINES!

tried the taste of salty tears.


tried numbing with Jacob wine.


tried screaming crazily in streets. tried to feel calm.


if only things went smoothly. if only you know what i'm trying to hint.


the memories are diminishing.


pain is within.


where's that cheerful one?


where is the love?

where am i? the origainal me..

it's been trashed afterall...

all thanks to weiliang.. i had replace what i posted earlier with this post. well, weiliang, thanks for talking sense to me. guess that's what i wanna hear. dun worry, i'll have a good talk with him tonight.. once again, thanks!

this background song is simply written for my feelings. to ppl who know the problem i'm facing, you'll know what i mean. i really dunno how long i can persist. maybe i will forgive all the things, maybe i will escape the fact again. maybe i will suddenly go disappear. maybe i'll just keep quiet and let things settle by time.

i really dunno what else to do. i tried my best to salvage things, but guess nothing much have improved the situation. what can i do. i just need more ppl around to hear me out. but i guess, it's hard to find someone suitable... i simply need some advice, seriously!!!

to my belove mummy, i lub you... happie mummy day!!!

have been oversensitive lately. seems like all the 'dragon' ppl are not going smoothly in life this month. is it a KARMA? whateva. my struggles are over. and before peace comes in, another problem arrives.

this time round, i'm seeing it positively. i have self-reflected many times. now's the real thing.

who can know me well enough like he did? i was the one who was not understanding enough. i was the demanding and sensitive one who simply think-too-much. this is just one weakpoint abt me. and he knows it. i mind just can't stop thinking 24/7. it's like so born in me. isn't it natural? i guess i'm the weirdo. but anyway, things are settled.

i do feel so immature when dealing with BGR. but at least i know he is not. if not, we'll be fighting with one another alr. actually i feel that he really isn't as bad as what ppl had told me. it's only the outlook of him that seems bad. i'm not blinded by love. cause i know it well when ppl are trying to help me. just hope ppl won't judge him by his looks. like what Wee said, [always give ppl some space to step back...]

i'm getting more and more used to it. used to being left out in the group. i quite understand how she feels now. no one figure out the words to describe the change. i am not the initiating kind who will brings up a topic. maybe i used to be. but as time goes, i dun feel belonged. *similarity attracts*

but i think caring friends will never leave you. real friends are ppl who really care abt you. they are the one who guides you thru, or change tgt with you. i dun mind how ppl see me, because i've learn to stay more independent. but well, i can never always live alone.

afterall, who didn't want to feel belonged in a group. if you guys have finally found the changed in me, do let me know. cause friends are still important in MY LIFE. ( esp. you, alice!)

what's love? what's my perception of love? what's my expectation on love?
maybe i'm just too demanding. can i just put all these problem aside and ignore it?

i know i've changed after we were together. frens around me have been telling me that.. and even alice, my precious battery, mentioned that last night. maybe what she says is right... he's from a different world from us. i always knew that. and that's why i've changed.

boy, you've changed too. i no longer feel how i felt before. this is not the matter of time anymore. but more of how you treated me. i have started feeling insecure. you were once so caring. but now? where's the spirit i used to see in you? that's why i told you that i'm trying to accept you for who you are. but i realised i'm not capable of doing that.

how long more can we go? are we really suited?

anna needs a breather. she needs her own freedom for once to look back into what she really need in life. once again, another self struggle for her.

if my wish can be granted, my wish would be to go back to the past. to the time where both of us just started. to the time where time is so sufficient. to the time when you were so nice to me. all i need is something simple that money can't buy, and that's TIME! i'm feeling so deep when you are free but i'm not. and when i am, yet you're not.

i'm starting to lose patience in this relationship. maybe we are lack of communication, which is due to lack of time being tgt. what can i do? i'm confused. i'm lost. i still trying hard to stay firm and strong. i still want to love you as much as the past. but, somehow, changes had roamed... ...