after today,
i promised myself,
i'm not going to work morning shift every monday!
i literally cried at workplace today.
tears roll down while talking halfway to my colleague.
after i served meds at 8am,
i received the first bad news.
it was from the lab,
telling me the shooting high blood results of my patient.
inform doctor and then i received another call again.
another patient's blood level was abnormal as well.
dealing with this two cases at the same time,
i help cassandra with the junior work as well.
change my patient's wound dressing,
assist them in the routines.
at the same time,
checking changes made by doctor for the day.
no time for break.
seeing that things are more settled.
i decided to go for my break.
a short 10mins since 11am.
within hour,
i was being bombarded by two ppl at the same time.
two issues needed me.
at the same time.
i settle one,
and approach the next immediately.
and that's not just all.
things keep coming but not stopping.
until a point of time both personnel command me at the same time.
can you imagine one is pushing you to help him settle one patient who is in danger,
and the other was telling you he needs to speak to the doctor immediately
with some immigrant issue,
and both command cannot wait for even a second?
the image of that TWO MEN commanding straight into my face,
keeps on rotating in my head.
i'm so stressed out at that moment.
and so many families went to visit their sick ones at that point of time,
that i can't vent my anger verbally.
i couldn't control myself,
i cried.
i cried right in front of everybody.
i was weak.
in dealing stress.
in dealing my emotion.
i was forced to the verge.
i was being cornered.
i have no one to turn for help,
because sister koh, the only sister available this morning,
went for meeting.
i was left alone.
that's why i hate confirmation.
no one is there to guide you anymore.
i was a soler.
i have wings,
that's surposed to fly high by myself.
learn through hard times to gain more experience
so that i will grow and learn.
but seriously who can i turn to?
everyone tell me in positives.
"this is experience, you'll learn."
but i'm exploding with more of this!!!!!
who understands?
who knows how hard it is to go through all that?
who feels for me?
i'm low in endurance.
this isn't what i really want in nursing.
THIS IS THE UGLY TRUTH OF NURSING!
finally i got to watch movie!!!!
able to catch 'The Ugly Truth' with sis.
the most captivating part of this movie is:
when Abby and Mike kiss during the hot air balloon ride!!!
OMGosh.. it's so... wooo...~
it's like hot air balloon is already one of the dream i want to fulfill so badly,
how abt even a kiss with your love one?
i'm still persisting onto my aim of
getting a hot air balloon ride before i'm 25!
YES! i'm so going to make that happen to me.
i'll not do anything to make myself regret..
:)
it's a saturday.
and i was tucked in bed since 9am,
after my night shift.
while having my beauty sleep,
sis came into the room for make-up.
then she left the house.
shortly after she left,
someone press the main door bell.
once, twice, THRICE!
i was so annoyed by that.
opened my tired eyes,
it was only 2.30pm.
i went down to open my door,
and saw an old lady.
my sis started telling me that this old lady claims that she wants to go home.
and after asking her where she lives, who she looking for,
i diagnosed her for DEMENTIA!
this dementia lady had lost her way home.
she looks just like any of the demented patient i've nursed in the ward.
she looks poorthing though.
i tried asking her whether she knows where she is,
and tried asking where's her house,
i was urged to call the police for help.
searched for the neighbourhood police number,
and when i was about to call,
that aunty was nowhere to be seen.
i went to my void deck to search for her after 10mins or so,
but she's really gone..
seriously i felt like helping her.
i mean when you're really lost till the fact that,
you approached the wrong house,
that's pretty ridiculous.
but i seriously wanted to help her.
because i feel for demented ppl.
just like my patient.
sometimes you will get frustrated talking to them,
because you know they are either confused,
or forgets the limitations.
well, what an experience.
and thanks to her,
i slept 5hours today.
and i guess that's all i can for my last night shift.
godesssss,
please help me tonight.
let PEACE by me can?
:)
at that moment when i heard the news,
i was disappointed.
felt full of disappointment.
i've got nothing to say.
life is always unfair...
02 路... 一直都在 - Eason Chan
穿過人潮雙眼燈火欄柵 沒有想過回頭
一段又一段走不完的旅程 甚麼時候能走完
噢 我的 夢代表甚麼 又是甚麼讓我們不安
That's just life 尋找夢裡的未來
That's just life 少點現實的無奈
不論風吹的時候 不再傍徨的時候
永遠向前 路一直都在
穿過一塊裡面一片黑暗 沒有想過回頭
一段又一段走不完的旅程 甚麼時候能習慣
噢 我的 夢代表甚麼 又是甚麼讓我們期盼
That's just life 尋找夢裡的未來
That's just life 少點現實的無奈
不論風吹的時候 不在傍徨的時候
永遠向前 路一直都在
That's just life 徘徊到不再徘徊
That's just life 從來都不怕重來
沒有選擇的時候 無論選擇的時候
永遠向前 路一直都在
the chorus is speaking out my thoughts...
i'm glad to see his grin just now.
eating the bento with SMILES.
and finish up like a gluttony.
by the end of the day,
he craved for more...
a lil thought of effort for him,
hoping that his day ahead while working hard,
will be filled with the taste of love.
i'm glad he appreciated it.
-smiles-
desmond ong.
my personal finincial consultant.
you shall be happy to see ur name appearing here.
anyway i'm having a date with him tml.
his treat to ri-ben-cun( sushi) tml.
at least my off days does not blend into the wind and pass..
:)
hopefully no last minute changes cm.
before i end this short post,
thanks LEX.
for posting sucha a long post abt me.
well, indeed we only started knowing each other only after foundation programme.
went out a few times with him.
yet we chatted a lot.
exchanged a lot abt life.
seems like culture exchange.
i'm glad i've found another friend,
whom i'm able to speak up to.
he's a good listening ear.
i'm glad having a friend like him.
who always sees me with a smile on the face.
glad i did affected him somehow,
that's part of life isn't it?
actually he did affected me as well.
i was able to feel what's true kindness.
life is really unpredictable...
so let's live it to the fullest...
having two days off.
today. tomorrow.
but i've got no plans in mind.
no outing plans too.
it's just so not like me.
anyway shall surprise HIM today.
shall make him bento.
cause working at town area,
though business is good,
food is expensive as well.
i've worked there for 1 and half years.
so i know.
and since he need to save money,
shall make him a lovely bento later..
:)
for today.
early noon shall tidy up sis room.
buy some food for cooking his bento.
then meet him for lunch.
will be at town,
so shall shop around for my birthday deco and stuff..
then maybe meet sis for dinner.
hmm.. what a random day.
nvm.. just hope tml i won't be suffering the same routine.
night shift is coming.
after my two days off..
working with nice ppl.
*grin*
was having a really good sleep,
until i felt something weird on my face.
waking up brushing my face.
to my horror,
an insect was on my face.
i went to on the room light,
grab my glasses and put it on,
look at the time,
it was 6am!
then trying to search for that insect i've brushed.
OMYGODDESS!
FREAKOUT!
it's a cockroach!
damn hell out my life.
i'm phobia with them,
and at that time i think i couldn't breathe anymore.
sooo sooo freako.
watching the cockroach at the head board of my bed,
i grabbed my blanket near me,
cover myself with it.
suddenly,
the cockroach FLY!
it's a flying cockroach!
wahhhhhhhhhh!
damn damn.!
when it flew off my bed,
landed near my room door,
i hid myself in my blanket,
like a cocoon.
ensuring no holes are around me.
the next moment i open my eyes,
it was 8.30am.
looked around my room to see if there's any sign of that flying creature.
PHEW! it's gone.
but i'm soo soo sleepy,
all thanks to that idiot xiao-qiang..
this thing called love.
is moving me forward.
moving me, leading me.
to the future of my life.
a different life that i've ever imagine.
it's nice like how i see it.
like how i feel it.
it's almost blinding me in life...
but at least i'm happy at this moment.
isn't it the most important.
smiles as the days past.
smiles with sweet memories.
smiles away all sadness.
smiles, is all that should remain...
first of all,
happy 22nd month to my love.
after going through so much,
we finally have our off day again ytd.
spending the time to cycle at ECP ytd.
cycling in the rain was fun.
qiqi tag along.
and she managed to take some photos of us.
not much photo to share.
because ytd outing was really meant to be relaxing,
not cycling for the sake of it,
but because cycling can really make us relax
and it was the thing we really wanted to do so much,
despite the rain.
despite the last day of ghost festival.
once again,
i had my grin.
that natural grin i always expressed when i'm out for fun!
most impt,
we really enjoyed ourselves ytd,
and next fun is gonna be uncle's bday!
2weeks from now.
:) :) :)
it's the tenth day.
i finally made it.
i made it thru working straight ten days without any MCs.
best part was i received my confirmation letter this afternoon.
i'm no longer under probation.
but that has become the scariest part in my job now.
the responsibility turns more pressurised.
and before i celebrate my confirmation,
i did a RMS(risk management system) today.
because my patient FALL.
that's the worst nightmare that can ever happen to me.
seriously i'm feeling bad for sister koh.
cause today i've created the 5th fall within this two months.
like what she said,
falls can be prevented.
but it still happen.
this time round, it'a really an accident.
long story.
though call bell was within reached and side rails up,
but i guess he was not attended for too long.
i'm quiry if i've done a good assessment for patient.
though i pass report to kristabel before patient fell,
i took the responsibility.
but what i'm more worried is the patient.
it's really not a pleasant day for me.
the day din end well.
i left my work to my two days off with worried and disappointment.
please dun rain tml.
i need ECP to chill myself badly..
seriously...
after one year and a half,suddenly frustration arise.that lead to a breakdown.he broke down yesterday.everything looks fine and pretty on the outside.but many things were left unspoken.till the point of eruption.eventually happy mood turned down into tears.for me, and for him.indeed it's disfigured inside.not like what it really seem outside.
for a moment i felt like giving up.at that point "why" is all filled in mind.i always thought we were lovely and perfect.but without realising we've reached our limits.i tried holding back my tears,it turns out anxiously down my cheeks.for that moment, i hate you..
cool down by time.time to talk.was my fault, as well as yours.you thought you were a superman.think you're able to compromise everything and do everything.till there isn't a hole to breathe.and to ensure i am happy, always.not wanting to disappoint me.you tried to do what you can.but forgot your limits.
my mood swing.it's like an atomic bomb.never able to figure out when it will explode.or how to crack the bombing system in it.a wrong thing mentioned,the bomb will go "tick-tock tick-tock"
i've told what my negative points are.but it's so hard to let go.how to change myself?i guess i've forgotten.
it was a lesson learnt.as i said, after a year and a half.i was silly to think of leaving you.as i know no one else on earth can tolerate me.i'm just hard to be compromised.but you've been doing it.swallowing every clenched of fist.to ensure that you won't vent the anger on me.life is getting tougher on us.with a tougher future that needs to be financially stable.we work hard for it.but at the same point of time,we wanted bit more fun to overwhelm the tiredness of working life.sometimes we yearn a lil much more.this is the cumulative stage of our lives.we shall face it like what we did in the past.it's my turn to compromised,isn't it?
ohgosh!
i so feel like watching this movie.
the ugly truth.Gerard Butler: the guy from PS i love you.
Katherine Heigl: the girl from 27 dresses and grey's anatomy.
it's gonna be a hilarious movie.
i'm going to catch it for sure...
these days many unfortunate things happen at the ward.
so far 4 cases of patient fall.
few days back was the forth.
and i'm sure sister koh gonna nag at us over and over again.
but it's true that patient fall is preventable.
then, there were some arguements between 2 SSN.
seriously i shall not give much comment on that,
but just being the listening ear for the both of them.
but being in the same workplace,
we should just help each other out,
whether is it still within your shift or my shift..
no harm helping people isn't it...
anyway, sister koh will be sitting down with them.
hmm..
alright,
my migraine is finally gone.
told sis nazeemah i might KIV mc today.
but now im fine.
no MC!
anna hates MC for no reasons.
i shall be good and go work this afternoon.
i'm sure i'm able to survive thru this 10days of working marathon.
smile to work,
i have nice colleagues to work with..
smile to my job and to my patient.
(that patient of mine, finally knew that i am his neighbour)
all thanks to annamah... argh... :((
this lil boy is making his life so packed.
with work. with school. and with CLASS 5 liscence.
sigh.
still don't understand, yet i do.
sometimes just dunno how to explain to him.
dunno how to teach him how to manage his own time.
and im sure he dunno how to teach me on how to manage stress.
he is good in managing stress but bad in managing time.
i am good in managing time but hell up in managing stress.
we gonna work on that...
once again i step into esplanade.
that happened last night.
a place sure-to-go,
that's rooftop terrace!
a place u can really let go your mind,
enjoy the night breeze.
and if you're alone,
let your mind free,
think of nothing and enjoy the night view.
and if you're with a friend,
talk about anything, under that beautiful sky.
i'm glad i've just done it last night.
just a plain chat,
that was enjoyable enough.
but at that same moment,
i enjoyed the breeze.
and many thoughts roamed into my mind.
how i wish i could travel NOW!
i'm so urged to travel and i really wanna experience it.
i want to do the things i feel like doing straightaway.
because i belief,
if you feel like doing something,
go ahead.
nothing can ever stop your persistant.
go ahead and do it,
before the "feeling" of wanting it is gone forever.
go ahead with it,
even if it's the wrong moment,
because deep in you,
you know that's what you really want!
was pretty unhappy thinking of going to work this morning.
however the journey today manage to twist the fate...
as i wanted the weather to suit my mood,
IT DID!
it rains with gust and gust of wind...
then, i saw achanah on the bus.
talked with her thruout the bus ride to sgh.
sharing how her A1 patient and my PSY patient behaves..
cool..
like culture exchanging session..
haha..
was junior today.
and surprising that patient of mine was so nice today.
ended i din restrain him.
he really behaves himself,
and i actually chatted so much while feeding him during dinner.
besides all these,
boy brought food for me for dinner.
having dinner tgt..
hmm.. nice!
it's hardly a chance like that..
but i really enjoy the moment.. :)
the day was smooth.
initially the mood of working was drenched!
but the events of things happen do cheer up my mood..
and i really smiled from my heart today..
anna is happy, still.
guess many ppl will scream
"TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!" today.
except me...
i requested off today.
cause boy is off every fri.
but my request was not granted this time round.
and for god sake,
i need to work.
i literally cried last night again.
that's how bad i was feeling.
argh...
i'm seriously being drag to work later.
boy will be coming to join me for dinner later,
and fetch me home as well..
sigh..
if only i'm off today...
sigh...
please rain today..
so i can feel better..
let the rain beat on me,
and the wind to blow at my face..
i need that kinda therapy..
and right now i heard the thunder...
how tiring can this be?
after 1month of not doing morning shift,
and after two days of it now,
i'm seriously damn zonked.
at 3pm, i literally dosed off at the counter.
with so many staff around me.
oh my..
it's like crazily tired.
meet boy for his dinner after work at PS.
meeting him for an hour everyday is good enough?
no! because i can't wait for next fri..
which is my off day!
and i cant wait for ghost festival to end.
cause I WANT TO GO FISHING WITH BOY!
i want cycling with him too..
i missed going out for fun with him everyweek.
and i know he wants that too~
it's kinda a routine to off on fri,
and go out with him and have fun.
with loads of activities we can think of,
and spending the time tgt..
i'm counting down everyday already...
ok, right now im waiting for my oreo mcflurry to come.
cause i've been craving it for 2days already.
after eating it,
i shall turn in to sleep!
and i gotta feeling i will wake up late tml..
oh damn!
i'm sure i m in-charge tml.
i need 24hrs of sleep...
argh!
being the first day of my ten days combo,
i've got 4admissions today.
how hectic.
SGH was full house and all AnE cases come to our side.
though i'm junior,
it was as busy.
finally the forth patient came in..
wanted to write his name in the slot-o-vision,
and i realised he lives at CCK too.
looking at the block he lives...
"hey! same as mine."
i couldnt believe my eyes.
my neighbour turn out to be my patient.
never imagine that to happen to me..
i took a peek and he seriously look familiar..
luckily i was with mask,
if not in the future,
if he happens to see me in the lift,
it gonna be super embarrasing...
****************************************************
alright,
i've uploaded a new video under "headbangers"
a song i LOVE since primary school?
very sentimental and i've play it in my music phone over and over again.
please at least listen to it once,
i'm sure you gonna love it too..
i teared so easily.
sometimes emotion is something you can never control so easily.
i guess i'm really out of my mind.
out of control.
control over something call EMOTION.
so i let my emotion wild just now.
thinking of the work ahead of me,
thinking of the tiny wheeny chances and duration of meeting my love,
thinking of the feeling of not seeing him,
but only could listen to his warm voice,
PLUS
the fun we used to have altogether over these 21 months,
eventually i have no controls.
i cried straight in front of him just now.
thinking my torture starts tomorrow.
cheer up, anna.
this is what u shd do instead.
SMILE EVERYDAY...
tomorrow onwards,
SMILEEEE...
i'm really urged to post this.
my title is speak to my brother.
seriously when can he be like a man.
like a real man??
it's so hard to fit his name in this catogory.
why must i be an evil speaking out my family members?
but he's really damn gone case.
he still acts like a child.
waiting ppl to ask him what to eat for his meals.
and WE have to buy it for him,
put it outside his room,
(sometimes even to prepare it for him)
and ensure he eats them.
sometimes i feel that it's not just plain laziness.
WHO CAN EVER BE SO LAZY FOR THE PAST 23years?
"why isn't anything done to him?"
you guys would wonder...
we've really done all kinds of things to him,
and well my mom couldn't help it as well.
he's 25 now.
and i dunno how long more he wanna be so dependent on us.
i'm sure he dunno where is the stall we get his chicken chop from,
he dunno where the duck rice cost,
he dunno how to even order KFC on his own,
and how tiring his request was to buy satay if he wants to eat.
he simply just DUNNO how life it was like,
having someone as useless as him who keeps on relying on family for years
and years...
and YEARS.
seriously, i've got enough of all the rubbish!
he vent his bloody anger at you when u got the wrong food,
when u took too long to buy,
when u even ask him what he wants to eat.
oh man, c'mon!
be like a man, please!
i'm really speechless in reacting to all this nonsense.
all i can is share it with my sis,
who been thru all his rubbish tgt with me,
and suffer behind with tears.
and with complains to mum that doesn't help at all!!!!
in this society right now,
having experienced is more important than having many certificates.
ppl with experiences and status speaks louder...
*
have been feeling so happy,
ever since the concert.
i think it's called the post-concert syndrome...
*
i've finally found a place to hold my 21st birthday!
the place is NICE!
it's vintage!
it's of my liking.
food for the day- ordered.
invitation list- listed.
decoration for the place- pending.
sending invitation- pending.
activities planning- pending.
*
after monday,
i'm gonna be a bull.
after my SWEET AL,
now comes the hell of working 10days straight!
10days filled with morning and evening shift alternatively!
the happiness i'm feeling right now,
it's gonna be overwhelmed by the next 10working days!
(trying not to think of it..)
*
i'm really sick of shopping over the weekends.
i'm off today.
but totally no mood for any outing.
partly because outhere is filled with humans.
i love outing during weekdays.
it's totally different.
our outing today.
finally washed that polo tee and wore it out today.
and ta-da!
our couple day!
and he finally had his hair cut!
no more long fringe..
they're all gone.
movie marathon today.
The Proposal and FD 4.
oh my!
i finally watched the proposal before it's gone.
and and i really cannot believe i laugh so hard after so long.
the movie that makes me laugh and cry so hard was PS i love you.
and now this.
ok don't ask me why i cry,
but i really did and i even cried twice.
hahahaha...
FD4.
no kick.
seen those stuff(internal organs) real in life,
though it came out smashed badly and damn bloody,
i love the effect and how they put what-is-going-to-happen-next feeling.
cool..
so i have to be careful in ward now.
never put patient alone in the bathroom and on the bathtub.
if not the ceiling might drop...
what a WILD imagination!!!
alright, time for movie.
tomorrow plan for my birthday venue ssearch!
hope it turns out pleasant!
CHUAWEIHAO is soooo nice...
my last day of night shift,
he came to send me supper after his work.
soooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet...
he stayed outside the guard house waited nearly 10mins.
he tried calling me but i was listening to report and couldn't pick up calls.
i was sooo soooo touched.
after report, i looked out the gate,
and i saw HIM,
standing innocently waiting for my existance.
din have a chance to meet him after my nap,
not even have a dinner with him.
so that's the surprised he gimme..
ohh.. it's gonna be a sweetest night today..
i love you, boy..
after constipated for 3days,
i manage to let some things out last night.
however it turned out being DIARRHEA.
my anal is going swollen soon.
i HATE this feeling.
and my tummy is on and off painful.
argh!
------------------------------------------------------------
woah woah!
i just received a wedding invitation card from HANIZA.
it's finally her turn to get married.
ahaha..
guess this is my first time attending a malay wedding.
i'm quite excited for it.
anyway my sis was invited too.
yeah!
shall post abt what happen ytd and today.
just some thoughts though.
boy's dad was brought to hospital today.
due to some great pain over kidney area and left abdominal.
was found out to have stones in his kidney?
i guess.
and i started reading up what causes it.
kinda forget after mths of graduating.
well, i'm glad he's alright now.
stones were out.
seen kidney specialist.
and he's under antibiotic course,
that's expected.
afterall the diagnosis for him was: acute kidney infection.
hmm.. luckily it's acute.
he really gotta take care of his health...
after last night's duty,
i'm super shagged.
like i've no energy turning patient thruout the night.
and thinking abt the amount of diapers to change every 3hours,
i really couldn't take the sleepiness last night.
somemore SSN teo wasn't feeling well last night as well.
again, tonight i'm junior.
diaper changing again.
BUT seriously sometimes i felt so bad to wake old ppl up
in the middle of the night.
because most of the time they'll ended up shocked and awakened by us.
imagine that innocent sleepy face,
eyes gradually opens with light,
and when you slightly touch them,
they jerked so hard with the eyes so widely opened.
and the next action was the palm on their chest,
and they'll tell you, "woah! ler gia tio wa!" (translation in hokkein: you've frighten me).
isn't that bad and evil?
and if u dun change their diapers,
the dumpness might causes sores to their sacral,
that's lagi worst!
ok, i've got chocolate tonight.
so hope it will keep me awake a lil later.
i just hope that patient won't collapse tonight...
