is damn funny.
was doing my morning internet surfing routine
when he msg me on MSN.
asking me for receipe for cooking soup base for mee sua...
-_-"

it was my post night.
monday.
as planned.
went for dim sum with yvonne and yenyee.
went to Redstar Rest. at chinatown.
and we sat there for almost 3hrs.
eat. gossip. laugh nonstop.
tears of laughter.


was gossiping about my partner during my nights.
evil gossips.
but was enough to let 3 sleepy woman
becoming so energetic after night shift.
and we planned for more makan session in future.
they are the gang of colleagues,
i felt like friends.
:)


after our dim sum session,
i meet up with andy.
well, right.
i did not sleep.
my activities continues.
chiong all the way.
accompanied him for ayam penyet at lucky plaza.
due to those dim sum,
i couldn't had ayam penyet.
so we went to scape.
the new mall at orchard.
nothing much to see.
but a nice place to hang out in the future.
planning for movies.
but the queue turned us off.
proceeded to katong for K session instead.
and a polly nice 3hrs.
picked many emo songs,
just to make him feels better
after being singlehood...
and we ended our day with katong laksa for dinner.
and HSH.


remembered clearly.
i woke up at 4pm on sunday to get prepared for my night shift then..
and last night, i managed to only sleep at 1am 2.
and having break a record of 33hrs of staying awake.
by the time my head touches the pillow,
i went into coma...
how crazy was that..


i believe this will be my one and for the last doing it.
it's really freaking tiring.
even after having 12hrs of sleep,
i'm still feeling sleepy...
hahah..
i know i wasn't a superwoman...
:(

once again.
my night shift is here.
and tomorrow is our 31st month.
unable to spend the day with boy,
and yet i have to stay out working late night.
proven my request was not granted.


i'm glad he has been with me all the time.
especially when i felt so down.
thanks for being my tissue.
thanks for being my listener.
thanks for all those advices.
thanks for being my bolster.
thanks for being my blanket.
thanks for all the laughter after those tears.
thanks for even tears-ing with me.
indeed i was the happiest girl when i'm with you.
my superman.
mine and only superman...
guess it's so hard for me
not to have you in the future...
my superman.
my mr ray!!
i loves you..
happy 31st!!
(5more mths for our 3rd anniv) :D

it was really unusual that i headed home
when the clock strucks at 6pm,
during my off days.
it was unusually early for me to be home by then.
reason being,
it was requested by sis.
and somehow it was worthy...


had started spelling out the mishap to my colleagues around me.
those whom i felt real comfortable talking to,
sharing about my family problem.


and as for today.
met Yenyee for lunch.
brought her to try a spaghetti
that i always wanted to walk in.
we shared a lot about life.
as individual. as being a nurse. as being a daughter.
she is someone i felt comfortable talking to,
maybe because she's like an elder sis to me.


i started thinking a lot.
and i realised,
i have been always unhappy.
the senses that had been buried deep in me
that was unspoken for so long.
i managed to dig out a lil today.
and felt lost for the rest of the day.
somehow i realised,
all these while,
i have been using many things i could think of,
just to subtitute that awful feelings
that i'm going through all these while.


and deep in me,
i am very unhappy.
and my life stories have been unhealthy.
somehow i felt so lost.
lost in the fact that all these problems have never been solved.
and whenever it arises,
i diverted myself doing something else.
i didn't realised i have been escaping from reality.
yes reality!
reality is the answer to all these miseries.
i need all these problems to come to face what is called REALITY.
this is a world full of ugly truth.
truth are always nasty.
and well,
i have not been happy.
i have not been having a mind,
that can stop thinking about how to solve those miseries.
but i have never had a solution to it.


i have never been happy.
and i really miss the days
when i was still a kid,
living everyday with no worries.
i missed days like those.
really.
the fact that why i can never handle stress,
is because part of my mind
have been occupied by these unsolved problems.
please, someone.
i think i need some brainwashing.
somehow i just hope i could change my life.
i am so sad about all these, really.
it's really unhealthy...
:(

have been working like a bull.
and sometimes when you have got such person at work,
will ended up only giving us more headache.
seriously i'm not the only person complaining about her.
but the fact that she just loves throwing shits to the next shift,
and expect people to clean it for her.
i'm kinda sick of all that.
better reduce the chances of me getting over her shift.
i know one day i will quarrel with her,
it's just the matter of time.


it's really good when you know there are people
whom can be a good colleague and a good friend.
meaning at work and out of work.
being a nurse is not just about completing things ontime,
but also completing without any loops of mistake.
because we are dealing with lifes.
but her acts are simply too scary.
who just wants to complete her work ontime,
when the quality is not there.
i urged my manager to send her for some reflective courses.
because i am worried about the patients under her hands.
it's really scary.


and not forgetting to mention.
i'm on night again from fri.
and the fact that i'm having two rounds of night this month,
is really freaking me off.
because looking at those people i'm working with,
only 2 HD trained staff.
and seriously i have a huge feelings
i'm in HD.
please.... let me off...
my 3rd time of night shift
and it's always at HD.
please allow my 4th time to at least be at general side..
i've never so afraid of working in my life before.
when u mention night shift,
that's the time when i'll be afraid...
sigh!!

still remember this song.
i heard 8years back.
attended st john NCO course then.
and during those tough camping days,
this was the song that accompanied us
throughout the whole training.
the day i became strong.
the day i endured what i hated doing.
the day i sweat and cried so badly.
the day i know i wasn't myself.
the day i felt the most terrible 4days 3 nights.
the day i heard this song,
and all those miseries became memories.
it was this song,
i heard few days back.
that dug out all those memories once again.



Music: Tucker/Baiyewu Lyrics: Tucker



When you're close to tears remember
Some day it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
And though it's darker than December
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high



And at
The end of the day
remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close till the end
We'll remember it was me and you



'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love



Don't you think it's time you started
Doing what we always wanted
One day we're gonna get so high
'Cause even the impossible
is easy when we got each other
One day 'we're gonna get so high



And at
The end of the day
remember the days
when we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We'll remember it was me and you.



'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love (x2)



High, high, high, high.(x2)



And at
The end of the day
remember the days
when we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We'll remember it was me and you.



'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love (x3)

the heat struck me non stop.
really not stopping.
first i experienced pin-preaking sore throat.
and followed by cough due to those irritants.
subsequently i was given a blow of earthquake in those brains
that causes the giddiness and a goodwell migraines.
and now what?
snatching away the voice and making a talkative person mute totally?
it was how terrible heat resulting me in this.
and on top of those,
the flu that has never recover for the jolly past 3weeks.
and suffering from blockage every single nights...
how terrible.
please, i need something known as healthy.
i know my choice of going to staff clinic later
will give my manager a good sigh
because her staff is going to take MC again.
and this time round i cannot help it.
unless you give me a job that doesn't requires talking
during that good-old 8hrs of working...


mind you,
i'm feeling terrible than anybody else...

so two days back,
i was asked to attend a course known as '5Cs'.
in sgh, or maybe singhealth,
5Cs simply means
commitment, collaboration, compassion, communication and consistency.
the course was full of activities
and it was really the best course i've ever been.
the fact that all of us were asked to break those ice
when we met different people from different departments,
allowed me to learn a lot.


was talking to one of the guy, Siva,
who happen to be working in the linen department.
he has no idea about how the wards in hospital runs,
and has got no idea,
why the linen trolley in ALL wards are always very MESSY!!!
hahhahaa....
i explained to him the reason why nurses loves messing up those linens
and how the messy comes about.
anyway all and all,
it was a pretty good thing for us to cross culture.
in fact, hospital is really big.
it does not only consist of patient, nurses and doctors.
it includes people at the back line.
people who supply us those materials to work,
people who deal with customers regarding hospital bills.
even the housekeepers,
making sure hospital is sparking clean.


this course is really a good session for all departments to share
their experiences at work under one roof.
and of course
teaches us how to achieve those 5Cs at work.
had enjoyed my day during those office hours.
listening to stories.


the most rewarding thing is
i found a pri school friend,
whom we lost contact for almost 12 years,
had been working in the same organisation as me,
for the past 2 years without me knowing...
:)

another MC last noon.
seriously don't understand what's wrong with me.
boy drove me to a 24hr clinic yesterday,
and Dr Robert was nice.
told him what happen to me,
and the fact that Ponstan don't work on my migraine.
he ended up giving me Voltaren with gastric meds.
it's really effective on me.


well, i was not diagnosed with migraine.
in fact, it was 'muscle tension.'
like what the hell is that?
guess it was all due to too much of stress during my night shifts
and the weather being the secondary caused.
after having those pills popped in,
i slept drowsily
and this morning,
no more pain.
guess i'm fit to work this noon.


thanks to those care and concern from my colleague
who knows i need to take extra rest all the time.
and who have been encouraging me not to exert myself too hard.
thanks for all the concerns...


and had a little chat with Dr Robert during consultation.
well, my first time consulted by him,
and when he knew i worked in an iso ward in sgh,
he started advicing me regarding my career plans.
like specialise in something and fly to States for degree
and work there.
well, a point to consider for my side.
and it's true that singapore only recruit poor quality nurses.
who talks about only foundation.
the moment you leave your organisation in spore,
next moment a foreigner takes the place.
see! how this profession works in Spore.
time for some thoughts soon..

this is the worst pain i've ever felt.
it started from my temple,
back to my occipital,
and radiates down till my neck and shoulder.
and it's intermittently painful.
the moment i lie down,
due to the tiredness,
i felt pressure rushing through my temple.
and like i described,
the pain travels.
and it's making me so giddy.


i knew i couldn't make it to work.
i could not even walk straight.
and with my sis,
i managed my way to the clinic just opposite my blk,
get an MC,
and home.


the feeling was real terrible.
and hoping boy was beside me taking care of me.
but i know he needs to work,
after spending two days out for me,
i know he needs to get back to work.
what more can i ask for?
all i can is tuck myself in bed,
whole day.


can the weather be better each day.
everyone seems to be falling sick,
and knowing my immunity is weak,
my illness of cough and flu had not recovered for a week already.
sigh...
a big SIGH!!!!

so the friday i awaited came
and it's over in just a wink.
good times passes fast,
and bad moments dreaded..


as planned,
a day for us out to enjoy ourselves.
as much as we wanted things to go smooth,
it doesn't, unfortunately.


i reached his place and proceeded to bedok for facial.