all of us are waiting. waiting for the next atomic bomb to be dropped. the 4 of us have been thinking of all kinds of plans and preparation to be bombed by him again...

the worst that i've expected had already happen. nothing much can be undone. so we are cleaaing HIS shit. we are all the time wiping his shit. it was obvious he planned all this things. mom and i expect there will be more to happen.

he planned it out. what a jerk!

it's alr end of the month. no salaries. no more income.

i told my mom that we shall move to east side. somewhere far away from those idiot family. the 'huang' family...

after this incident:
-i'm going to move to a 5-room flat in east.
-have deed poll and change my name.( i wanna change surname).
-i'll be singled parent
-i will not have a father!

*i mean what i stated above and are going to fulfill them...*

receive a call today. the speaker told me that i have won a pair of mayday concert pricing of $168[ the most costly catogory].

2weeks ago, i bought the 'impact' sugar free mint sweet and join the lucky draw. all i did was fill in the forms and staple my receipt with the lucky draw forms. it states that multiple entries are acceptable. i was not that crazy so i only fill one forms.

seriously, i'm just too lucky. imagine ppl who wanna get free tickets actually fill many forms, buying many sweets? haha.. but well, i've already purchased my $168 ticket and got a very good seating alr.. so i guess i'm selling those ticks off and earn back my $$. haha..

Counting down to mayday 'Down to Earth' concert: 4 more days!

brought my mom to alexandra hospital ytd. she had been vomitting since sat night. and having no appetite to eat, because whatever she takes, it will be vomitted. sis and i was busy the whole day with chores, taking care of mom, and preparing meals. and that useless brother of mine, staying in his room whole day, keeping himself entertained. how irritating...

doctor say that mum is having some 'female illness'. assessment of the eye, ear, body was done on my mom. and he told her that if she have difficulty opening one side of her eyes, she has to go back for review. all the symptoms that the doctor mentioned were symptoms of STROKE. is the doctor trying to say that my mom is going to have stroke?

feeding mummy, helping her massage, looking after her was so different from looking after patients in hospital.. but well, seeing her in so much pain really hurts me. provided with so many incidents that happens lately. maybe it's FATED! [right? boy?]

i'm pretty tired with sharing this problem. it's bothering me. misery...

he choose to leave the house and never come back. he choose to abandone this family and leave all of us. i'm going to left with one parent soon. i'm turning into a single-parent status. maybe it's a knot-loosen thingy physically, but i guess all of us were down emotionally.

sometimes it's so hard to express what you are feeling. ppl around you might not understand how you feel. maybe they dun even bother, cause it's not their problem. the saying that goes [dun make your problem my problem]... how strong can i still remain? when can i stop acting happie in front of ppl? how can i once be loved again? i just need something that money can't afford.. father love!

i dun like to hide my feelings. but right now i really feel hard to tell others abt what i'm actually feeling. maybe everyone is fortunate around me. i dunno. i'm tired. i'm helpless. i can't turn to anyone.

i can't leave this to adults to settle. cause i'm part of it. we are with mummy. i sense the helplessness mummy is facing. i can't do much. but i hope i can. i'm left with my mum, i need her to be healthy. to stay with us. if we leave it to her to settle on her own, we are too heartless. afterall, all the hardwork she provided to the family is more than what she shd do as a mom. we shd be with her.

this is a matter of life and death. we have thought of moving house. to a smaller apartment. we thought of fighting lawsuit with him. we thought of divorcing. what other road can we go???

alright, today is our 5th moniversary. it's a pretty hard thing for me to actually keep someone with me for 5 month. past 2months have been pretty low profile. not much of fun as we were both short and cash and time. he started working life, and i, as usual work and school. however we still manage to keep each other accompanied.

during these 2months, i've been recalling of the fun we used to had. but somehow i dunno when i'll be able to have that kind of life again. i kinda miss it! maybe like what ppl always say, first 3months is the 'honeymoon' period. and afterall, lifes gonna be dull. well, maybe that's it.

but somehow, part of me wants to spend more time with him, but it's just so hard to organise time...

5th month, we both have to work and unable to celebrate. and as for next month, 19may, it's a public holiday. so i guess both of us will be working hard for money too... -_-"

alright.. 3rd day of school. everyday seem to end school pretty early. great! i can have more study time. but i guess i'm not having enough sleep. i miss my beauty sleep. but well, i need to work and earn money. everyone seems so broke lately.

school lifes is back when everyone start to joke and crap around. *best times!*

hmmm.. i seriously need to consult doctor real soon. for my swollen forth finger. it's getting bigger everyday... my god. i can feel the warmness of it. quite scary.

some thoughts to share: i believe everyone has their reason(s) for every act. there's no right or wrong in every believes. if you think what's comfortable with you, go forward. there isn't a need to follow what others are doing. just be yourself.


counting down to MAYDAY concert: 10 days (26 april)

ok.. so my boy finally pass his driving test.. it's like [finally]!!! this driving have really make him so broke.. now, his burden is finally down. i think i'll only start my driving when i'm out of school. i need to settle my own school fees.. how bad can it be. 1000 bucks more to earn.

if money can drop from sky, life will be easy..

yup, 2more days to face my real life. indeed my real life. life of struggles. but i'm really going to work hard. i got enough of reflection.

bought my books ytd. flip thru my clinical. the next thing i did was read thru my bio book from the past semester. i am all the while weak in bio. and bio is very impt in nursing. i'm going to buck up and all that's in my mind is studies, do well, dun stress up myself. i might be obsess in what i'm doing, i may neglect the ppl around me, i may neglect my boy.

i'm in 3rd year. graduating soon. last year to go. i must really mugged the hardest! no giving up! no back off. move on and go forward. that's it!

to have a close friend for 7years is not easy. it will be even better if you actually have more than one... it's a gathering. it's a birthday celebration. it's something more worth doing and so right to do on a friday...

ytd went out with 2gals. a strong friendship for 7years. we were all busy previously. subha and fifi. today's fifi's birthday. so long since i gotta chance to meet these girls. we gals when clarke quay ytd. share abt school life, family life, love life, own life.

it seems that all of us have really grown up. all that remain unchanged are the memories that we all create for each other. i feel contented to have both of them. somehow it's a part of life. a part of growing up. the process of growing up.

all i wish for is: in times our life might be busy and tiring, but hope the three of us can keep in contact and spare out a day of the busy life, do what we did last night, and never lost contact... at the same time, in future, do what you think is right. never give up on hopes. road may be tough but just rmb to do your best and god will guide you true as we all believe that everything is fated in our life...

although we pray to different god, our thinking are similar. :))

i'm left with 7days before stepping into yr 3. seriously i'm not ready for it. this few days have been thinking hard. and i realised that i cannot give up my dream! i can give up being a nurse. all these yrs i've been working hard because i wanna join nursing and wanna be a nurse. i work so hard during sec sch days, i work hard to come to yr3 (maybe not as hardworking as others). it's true! i have to look at the bright side of life. think positive. treat comments as things to learn. and not get defeated by all that. i need a little bit more effort these time round.

ok.. i will be a good girl this yr. must listen to lectures attentively and making sure i know my work totally. i must work hard. real hard. for my dreams, for my future. that's the reason for the [muggings].

thinking of it, flipping thru my learning guide book, i start to wonder how much of the comments given to me were true..

in CI Susan's eyes, i'm not proactive in work. i'm not initiating to learn. i'm not applying what i've learn in school to work. i'm not suitable to be a nurse. after 3days of lecturing from her, i've think thru.

i'm not a 'study' person. i'm not good in theories. maybe being a nurse in too tough for me. it's full of critical thinking. and i'm those sort whose mind works very slow. i'm having a problem here. sometimes i just hate studying and thinking that studying is never ending in nursing makes me really think twice if i wanna be a nurse.

but having come so far, all i can say is: i have no choice but to continue to finish the race. a race on myself with being a efficient nurse in the future. it's something i believe i can't do it. BUT i'm working my best from now..! i've got only half more months to prepare myself. i'm in deep stress, but somehow i know i need that. to make me move foward...