seriously my head hurts a lot. slept at 10.26pm last night. (i actually study till i fell asleep). woke up at 6.12am today. i realised how painful my head was. i'm so sleepy and tired too. it's like i really hate waking up early these days.
*
ytd ended school very early and went j8 with alice. got my second dress. wahahaha... alice got hers too. kena cheated by that irritating auntie. she said to give us more discount for buying 2dresses. we did! but where's the discount? annoying. but i'm still happie with the dress i got. it looks even better with a red belt that my sis gave me when i show her the dress when i got home. buahaha... great. shopping makes me cheer-up. but i have to still control my spending. i have got big savings to do.
*
anyway, today alice and i plan to study at her house after school. but well, she rmbed that she has to work. hmmm.. so, i'm stuck in school to study alone. talking abt studying... headache again. counting down: 15days to my 1st paper. i have 8books to cover and i'm like only done with 1? shit~i really needa speed up on studying.
*
i'm cutting down my sms-ing with boy. i really dun bear to do that. but i have to stay focus with studies. well, while i'm studying, he is working. so maybe that makes us busy and kinda contact each other lesser? (but i kept checking my phone to see if he msged me.) well, i think i have no choice. but i know he will understand my point of doing this.
boy: dun worry, hope you won't feel neglected these days. i'm still subconsciously missing you. you are not forgotten.. :)
*
*
study hard, anna. work hard!~
next monday will be my last ICA presentation. and after all, goodbyes to all ICAs and presentations. well, loretta put me in charge on this last ica. it's really our last ica and i really hope we will do a good job and get things done smoothly, just like how we did the others. i'm doing the layout of the powerpoint slides by myself. looking for pictures, again. well, that's our subgroup's style of presentations: more pictures, lesser word, more explanations.
*
today will be the last day of outing with boy. afterall, my time are fully for studying and more studying. kinda stress out these days. i brought my books everywhere i go. even while working, i study. somehow i need a bit of space to distress myself. all i wish for is hoping that my motivation will persist. i can't afford motivation to run out in my body.
*
alright, shall blog less and study more. last year, it's my final year. i'm going to work double hard. somehow the feeling i'm going thru now is very familiar... similar with 3years ago when i'm preparing for o levels... hmm.. stress is the word. pressured is the next word...
*
anyway my "best brother in the world" actually lost my favourite monkey. saddening. i'm seriously feeling so uneasy without hugging my monkey to sleep. worst part is: he dunno where he lost it. *irritating bro* and as a result, i asked my boyboy to get my one. i really need to subtitute a monkey real soon.. [hoodwink, where are you?]-shouted across the house.
stress ah. stress ah. exams are near. time is limited. i really need a good chillax. i've wasted my free time on saturday for some fun at pulau ubin due to the weather. sian ah. plannings were into drains, washed off by rains. we plan to play badminton in school this coming thurs. i've already booked the courts on monday. but only realised that i got class at that time slot on thurs.argh... plans goes into drains, wash off by rain again. things aren't going according to plans lately. argh.. tml, outing with boy again. finally. i misses him. and he misses me too. pls! hope our plans work out tml. i dun want last min back off. *anna hates last min*
i shall start my studying tonight. sociology! i'm coming! start by andy's book first. hmmm.. i'm working hard. but before that, where are my chocolates? ok, shall go ntuc to buy and top my cupboard with full of it. chocolate ALWAYS makes my brain works better. who cares abt gaining weight now? chey! alright. off to meet my sis for dinner. her treats. yay yay.. i'm starving right now. eww...
i pass my last skills practical! YES AH! like *finally*! anyway i got what i want again-- CVP monitoring. got ms mok to assess me. *woot!* although she asked A LOT of qns, i'm still able to answer some with her prompting. now i must realy say good-byes to ALL skills assessment. NO MORE ASSESSMENT FOR ME!
anyway, final year project due today. hand up our hard work. the amount of sweat and the amount of time spent. give me a pass for that and i'm happie enuf. =)
last night, argue with my mom thru 'sms'. like both of us are at home, but we are 'sms-ing'. so lame. anyway, it's regarding that "duck" again. irritating. why must we always quarrel over the same issue? aren't you tired? i am, alright. somehow feel like giving up. but i know i can't. i always can't. well, this morning was trying to tell sis abt how i feel and stuff. i'm glad at least i got a sister who knows me. she told me that actually mom care a lot abt me and ya, i'm soft-hearted and almost cried. sigh... what to do? i tired la. lazy to think of unhappy stuff.
thanks boy, for hearing me. i just needa vent out my anger and i'm fine again. i know you will always be there when i need you. and i'll keep my promised. :) thanks for loving me cause i really need you... :)
i know i'm losing a friend soon. she has really changed!!! sigh*
alright, my boyfriend is occupied by work at this moment. so sian.. got so many things to tell him.. argh.. anyway, this sat!!! pls quickly come. i wanna spend quality time with him.. i'm just so settled with him. but future are so tough to be predicted... whatever.. i am treasuring every moment we have now cause i simply love my boyboy. it's been almost 8months. i never imagine myself to have sucha long relationship... am i dreaming? anna, are you dreaming? though i love to dream, but right now, I"M NOT DREAMING...i love you, boy :))
yeah!!!! i pass my clinical! woot* best ah... well, i picked on the topic that i wanted: airway management... yoooopy!! soooo happy. i am proud with myself that i was able to answer every question Aaron posted to me just now. because he told me that the question he asked were not mention in the book... alright. so i'm finally left with one last skill exams to go and I'LL BE FREE FROM ANY MORE CLINICAL!!! i can't wait for wednesday to end..
anyway, today's bettina's 20th birthday. i spend 2days making this card for her. hope she'll like it..
also, loretta and james actually gave her a surprise and, overall, i guess she really enjoy her day. anyway, thanks sookjai for the cake. though i guess little chances he might see this. but anyway just wanna say that the cake is REALLY nice! hahaha. i'm such gluttony*
alright everyone, ANNA shall announced that i'm 90% recovered from my illness. my throat is cleared. no more stinky pas. no more white-disgusting lump. and best thing is, MY VOICE IS BACK! [boy, i wanna go k! i wanna sing!!!]. anyway, it's the starting of gaining weight soon. i have started on eating some food that i have been craving greatly for. boy, i know you might be angry. BUT in order not to have recurrent of my illness, galgal did drink LOTS of water. gal really drink a lot like what you ask me to...
alright, lately family problems are back. sian... i need peace soon.. real soon..
clinical theory is down!
tml will be practical!
mugged hard* mugged hard*
must make it thru!!
~back to study~
trying to stay focus to study for my clinical last night, and ended up turning in at 12am. that timing is consider late for me. well, i haven't really felt so un-motivated to study this year. guess i'm somehow i'm feeling a bit sick to concentrate.
and having sleep at 12 last night, i ended waking up late this morning and again, late for lecture. hope ms jones will make me present, if not i think 1st- reminder letter is on the way to my house already. talking abt ms jones, she's so interesting. i mean i really enjoy attending to lecturer who likes to make the lecture interesting. the jokes she crack is like OMG la.... she can really join 'Our Lamest Club'. hahaha..
as for my throat, after some attempts of removing that whitish lump on my own, it's getting smaller and smaller. still rmb the reaction of alice's when she saw that disgusting lump. hahahaha... right, like what james says, i'm really having TONSILITIS. it's an inflammation of the tonsil (meaning: infection of part of the throat). i'm going thru what james had went thru. and today he actually eat cracker in front of me!!! argh!! *thanks ah, james!* but whatever it is, i MUST recover by this saturday. it's our 8TH MONTH! i must recover! (boy i know it's so demoralising that you can't kiss me... haha) with that, i promise boy that i will be a good gal and avoid all heaty food.
regarding my work. finally ANNA is TIRED WORKING. i'm giving a lot of excuses not to work. because i'm just sooo nit in the mood. right now i feel like giving my whole concentration to study. since i've already merged four-fifth of my school life with work life. so i shd STOP WORKING! i urge quitting in moviebites!alright, shall back to study. clinical theory tml! skills assessment on thurs! *hurmp...*
i want to eat the food that i can't eat... URGH!!!i'm craving for famous amos cookies. subway double chocolate chip. i want BBQ ruffles potato chips. i want my DAIM chocolate. i want tom yam soup. i want to eat kimchi. i want macdonald fries. i want ice cream. i want fish and chips.i've got enough of porridge, yong tau fu, bee hoon soup, white bread. YUCKS* i'm so sick with those food. URGH!!!! my throat!i guess the moment my throat recovers, i'll gain TEN KILOs! hahaha
today, my condition kinda got worse. i was having so much of pain and was bearing with it. the medication dun seems to be working on me. its been 3days already. boy ask me to go for chinese medicine. sigh.. i want that lump to be removed. i want it off my throat. i haven been having positive thoughts lately. i feel so useless when every problems is piling on me. i'm stress. i'm very stress. but seems like nth can be done. i seriously feels like giving up!!!!
------------------------------------------
dear alice:
this is my reply to your post..
regarding the MC thingy, i have to say that i didn't do anything in purpose. i believe you abt how the absence statement works. i turn to tess because i saw her with her laptop and that i wanna quickly deal with my MC and get it done over. i seriously didn't purposely did it in front of you. i mean all i thought of was getting it done asap. i didn't mean to 'indirectly' hurt you. do you think i'm this sort of person? i mean why would i want to do this to you?
i agree with you that i have not been telling you abt my problems. i have my reasons. i turn to ppl who i think could help me. not saying that you can't. but the problem is this: i know you never like weihao. i mean from the 1st impression to the time we went out tgt, it's clear that you feel that you can't click with him because you feel that he dun belongs to our world. many times you and i bring up this topic, i dun feel like talking abt it.
yes, his hobbies and stuff might not link with ours. the things he likes might be weird. i know you have been telling me to be myself when i'm with him. not to always compromise whatever he says. this is something i want to make clear: indeed i'm very easily influenced by. i used to compromise whatever he mentioned. BUT that was last time. rmb the talk on the phone that night regarding this issue? i must say since then i have reminded myself to go for what i really like. i dun wanna be a follower and like whatever he likes. it's like, what's the point? afterall, it needs both parties to be happy in a relationship..
so this link to why i turn to henry. i have no one to turn to at that time. knowing that you have comments on weihao makes me not want to share the problems with you. i'm sorry i have to admit that i take comments to heart. the moment i know you were not happy abt him, i assume you won't be interested to know what happen between us. i apologised for assuming. i should not have react this way. that is why i accumulated so much and keeping so much from you. and the moment you asked me, wo fu yan ni. it has always been so hard for me to mention to you abt him.
i have always been stuck in the middle. i was stuck in xiaowei and him. i'm stuck in you and him. i'm stuck in my bro and him. i'm stuck in my mom and him. i'm stuck in between most of my close frens and him. but well, i realised that the only way to solve is to break up with him. do i have other choice?
well, i understand and i guess many ppl realised that you are closer to des and bet than me. i dun blame you. cause i know you feel that i've changed and we are drifting further. as for this, i know i've changed a lot. but i feel that my change is not solely due to weihao, also from my work too. i can hardly figure out how a behaviour i used to bring out myself and that now i am unable to find the anna you used to know. all i can say is: the anna you see now have been trying hard to search back her ownself. and she really wants back what she used to have.
alright, above are all my explanations to you. i shall do a conclusion: it's quite a long post. but i dunno if you did understand fully on what i have explain. as for the post on who are my true friends... dun worry, like i said this morning, you are still the most caring friend of mine. not forgetting, thanks for that thoughful jelly! *APPRECIATED*
as i know many frens are so worried abt what actually happen to me, i shall post it here. this is what happen to me! last tue, i had my napfa practise in school. i was then down with severe headache from wed until fri. while working on fri, i'm totally weak. i felt that my body suddenly dun belongs to me. so i asked my manager to let me go home to rest.
***************************************
when i reached home, i changed and went to meet my sis at lot 1 to consult dr. having my sis to pay for the $46 med bills, i was told by the dr that i had exert myself too much for the past few mths and that my body is extreme heaty.. i was given an excused letter for my napfa retest( because i fail my standing broad-jump) and also a 2days MC from work.
***************************************
so fri and sat were resting day for me. i got no energy to work. on sunday, my headache finally kinda recovered a little, but only realised that my throat hurts terribly. when i looked into the mirror, i saw a white yellowish lump growth in the throat which was super swollen. (whoever saw that lump before will understand how disgusting it is). well, the pain actually caused me to have dysphagia( difficulty swallowing) and i seriously need
'NG tube insertion'! anyway, eating is a problem to me. even swallowing my own saliva is painful!
***************************************
the lump is so scary that i told my mom i wanna go HOSPITAL! i went to loretta's house to work on my FYP project and proceed meeting mom and sis. we ended up in a women's clinic due to financial difficulty. dr shine into my throat and took my temperature. i was running fever at 38degree. my diagnosis?
throat bacteria infection. i was instruct not to share drinks or utensils with ANYONE! dr say that i can go ahead and have ICE CREAM AND COKE! but have to eat porridge. with another $57 that my sis forked out, i got another sets of medication to eat!
*yucks* i was given another 3days of MC.
****************************************
i went home from clinic. rest a while at home, and suddenly my fever spike again. mummy applied cold compress for me, while boy was on his way to my house to visit me. [i actually ask him to visit me. why must i asked? i need someone to be more AUTO can? erh herm, i'm referring to you, wei hao.] ok la, at least he really made the effort to come to look for me. (boy= antidote)
****************************************
during this days of home- bound and bed-bound, it was a bad experience for my sis and mom. cause when i'm sick, i'm very very very VERY ANNOYING. i'll be like a baby wanting whole attention to be on me and everyone to take care of me! i'll make nonsense comments and complain non-stop! even when i can't really talk, i wrote it down! so i guess both mom and sis really hope that ANNA can quickly recover and shut her mouth... hahaha...
***************************************
having spent so much on medical bills, waste so much time of working days, cried so much due to great pain and emotionally down, spent so much time on sleeping, eating porridge everyday every meal, i'm really tired of being sick! i wanna recover! i wanna be active. not be jelly.
***************************************
health is really the most impt afterall. i guess i've really worn out myself these few months. MONEY is not everything. health is! but MOST things are abt money.
***************************************
during the days that i'm sick and even today when i go back school when i'm still on MC, i'm clear who are MY frens. i know i'm still surrounded by caring frens. but also, i've seen some truth within.
***************************************
my sis asked me this i few days back, 'when you are very sick, who are those friends who REALLY cared abt you?' i'm thinking abt this question... ...
**************ended********************
miss you like crazythis is the background song of my blog. sang by 'the moffats'. when i first heard this song, i
cried. the lyrics is so touching. i dream abt really what happened when a guy sing this to me, telling me how much he misses me. although this is a sad song, a lot of thoughts went thru my mind. overall, nice song!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
had my napfa ytd evening. well, i scored A for sit-up. i finish my shuttle run by 11sec. i did 10 pull-up. sit and reach pass fairly. and 2.4km i completed in 15mins. BUT i flank my standing broad jump. sadded. whatever.
anyway, i'm having serious headache and body aching. like my body heatiness have reached to the max. had eaten medication given by boy's mom. thank aunty!
i just got ANOTHER free lance job. giving survey forms. haha.. what a
'lub-sub' job anna will do. but what to do? i'm really in need of money for survival. working every fri and saturday night at MVB allows me to have extra 15bucks of transport fee and 8bucks of night allowance. so i'm only working on these both days. and for this free lance job, another lobang for myself to earn money.
what to do? i dun grow up in a wealthy family. i can't afford the electronics gadgets like my friends. :(
ok. i shall pay attention in class alr. *headache is killing me still*
well, went to train my NAPFA in school with loretta, alice and james ytd. my stamina still kinda there. but my timing sucks! [completed 6rounds in 17mins when i actually finish it in 11mins 3 yrs ago]. anyway i still manage to finish my six rounds. at my fifth round, i almost gave up. i wonder how am i going to pass my napfa tml..
**
it's been 3days since i last meet boyboy. at last, he found another job and the chances of meeting him are lessen.*sobbed* i'm so tired everyday, and especially after the run ytd.. today i'm so not in mood to study. not in mood to work. not in mood to even talk to him. feeling so restless to do anything. i'm trying not to contact him as much today. i'm afraid the more i contact him, the more i'll miss him. sigh.. nevermind. i know i'll be able to see him tml. *cheer up, anna.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyway last night i actually waited for his call till i fell asleep on the sofa. when i woke up at 10plus, only realising that i'm: holding on to my 3033book, at the lecture on meningitis, weird posture on the sofa, with my contact lens still in my eyes. i sit up feeling the ached of my body, and looked at my phone to see 3missed call. i actually dozed off for an hour plus. i'm really so so so tired. and now, it's been around 2days since i properly speak to him or even saw him. i missed my chance to talk on the phone last night. because the moment he heard my voice, he ask me to go back to sleep.. erm, well, i won't have chance to talk to him tonight as well, so i guess i'm switching off my phone when i reach home later...
**
anna is feeling so weak now. panadol doesn't work for her headache. she just need the antidote! she just need her antidote!
*
-[mugged hard for napfa. motivation to study. cheer up for everyday]-
